


Trouser Snake, Through The Ages

by Stranded_In_The_Cosmos



Series: Sir, There's A Snake In Your Pants [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Crack?, How do I tag?, LITERALLY, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Trouser snake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos/pseuds/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos
Summary: Trouser snake, through the ages, with our favorite angel and demon.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Sir, There's A Snake In Your Pants [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1720375
Comments: 6
Kudos: 23





	Trouser Snake, Through The Ages

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!

It started in Eden. 

Crawley stared at the blonde angel. Soaking him in like he was basking in the sun, which, he was. Just a smaller, brighter, and more beautiful sun. The angel’s wing still rested over his head, keeping him, and what was under the robes, nicely dry. 

“Do you think She will be angry?” Aziraphale asked suddenly. “Giving Her sword away and all,” 

Crawley knew the answer was probably yes, if he’d Fallen for asking questions, Aziraphale could do the same for giving away a sodding sword. 

“Eh, probably not,” Crawly said anyway. 

A small amount of worry left Aziraphale’s face. “I hope so,” 

They fell silent, and Aziraphale stared off at the thundering gray clouds. Crawley stayed fixated. 

-

When the rain receded, so too did Aziraphale’s wing. 

“I should probably getting going now,” Aziraphale said, gently wringing his hands together. 

Crawlye blinked back into this plane of existence. “Hm? Oh, yeah, well, mind how you go, the animals are probably a bit restless after the whole apple-business,” 

Aziraphale smiled. “Mind how you go as well,” He spread his white wings, shaking the water off them, and took off. 

Crawley watched with a stupid grin. He wasn’t sure if demons could still feel love, but whatever he was feeling was as close to it as possible if it wasn’t it. 

A sharp sting rang through his thigh suddenly. 

“What the Heavens was that for?” Crawley hissed. 

The literal trouser-snake, or, well, robe-snake dug his fangs in harder. 

“What has your tail in a twist, huh?” Crawley hissed. 

Richard, the snake in Crawley’s pants, took his fangs out of Crawley’s thigh and hissed. 

“Shush you stupid snake!” Crawley hissed. “It’s nothing of the sort!”

Richard hissed again. 

“I will feed you to the birds if you keep that up,” Crawley grumbled, snapping away the wounds, and taking off from the wall as Aziraphale had done.

-

Richard didn’t stop being a nuisance to Crowley. Every time he and Aziraphale met the serpent would dig into Crowley’s thigh, or whatever skin was nearest and not already bitten. The only time it didn’t happen was during Noah and Jesus’s death. 

The worst occasions though, were 1793, 1862, 1941, 1967, and 2007. 

-

1793 was partly because this is where Crowley really got into the fashion of trousers. Everything before had give or space, or there wasn’t trousers at all. Richard was not pleased by the constricting breeches, Shakespearean times were better than this. 

The other reason was because even a snake got tired of watching those two idiots pine after each other, romantically, and well, sexually. 

The snake thought a few bites might get Crowley to, well, fill his trousers with something other than a scaly creature. 

He was wrong. 

-

1862, fairly obvious. When everything started going to Hell in a frilly white handbasket Richard was the first to step in. 

Sharp venom filled teeth and the threat of even more bite scars was not enough to power through an idiot it seemed. 

-

1941\. 

Richard was very tired of this whole ordeal by now, and wanted Crowley to get a bloody move on. 

Safe to say a move on was not what Crowley did, the exact reason a fair chunk of Crowley’s scars are from 1967. 

-

2007\. 

The Warlock years. Richard was endlessly thankful that, yes, Crowley had chosen to wear a dress. He was, however, not thankful about the endless pining. Even that awful disguise Aziraphale had chosen wasn’t enough to calm Crowley down for a few years. 

A bite for every time Crowley looked longingly at the gardener, or even pined after him for a minute, became the system. 

-

Richard was ecstatic the night before Crowley and Aziraphale’s trials. Not because he wanted either of them to die, especially not Crowley, who kept him alive. And definitely not Aziraphale, who if he died without Crowley, would make for a very sad demon the snake was not in a position to deal with. 

He was thankful that Aziraphale was finally taking some charge, because Crowley wasn’t going to. 

He was at last freed from his horrible leather confines. (Crowley didn’t wear any undergarments, how do you think he got into those trousers?) And Aziraphale was far nicer than he’d expected, even having to deal with the pining demon who thought that he was the nicest bastard in all of creation. 

He wasn’t pleased when Crowley explained his name. 

Finally, after six thousand years of hiding the demon’s inexperience, he was set to live comfortably without having to deal with the pining, and in a comfortable and spacious cage. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you can!!


End file.
